A White Rose for Amber
by drizzle180
Summary: AU one shot. Amber Wilkinson faces her past with the help of her best friend Riley. Trigger warning.


A White Rose for Amber By Deborah Rizzo

The alarm sang out breaking the morning silence in the dark air of the loft. A hand shot out from under the cocoon of blankets, slamming down on the snooze button.

"Amber… Get up before I have to come in there!"

From under the blankets, a blonde head appeared. Her eyes were still sealed, shut off from the grey morning light that peaked through the window.

"Riley, aren't you supposed to be at work?" Amber muttered, her voice still rough from sleep.

"Not today, I took the day off. I know you have that meeting with Dr. Leick." Riley appeared in Amber's doorway.

Amber's eyes opened slowly, their green warming quickly at the sight of her best friend.

"Thanks, sometimes I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't been there all these years."

Riley walked over to the side of the bed, sitting down she ruffled Amber's sleep tousled hair pulling her into a hug.

"You're my best friend, Amber. I saw what that bastard was doing and I couldn't stand not being able to help you other than just being there for you to lean on." Riley stood up and turned to help Amber out of bed. Amber looked at Riley, her own thin 5'4" stature was dwarfed by her friend's athletic 5'10" build. Where Amber was blonde and green-eyed, Riley had black hair and blue eyes. Today, she was dressed in an old University of Louisiana at Lafayette t-shirt, a nod to her alma mater, and washed out jeans with her favorite pair of red Nike high tops. "Go get dressed. Your appointment is at 9 and it is 7:30 already." Riley said, giving Amber a push towards the bathroom.

An hour later, Amber stepped out of the bathroom dressed in a short sleeved, forest green dress shirt with khaki shorts. She walked into the kitchenette area of the two bedroom loft and saw Riley sitting at the table eating a bowl of her cherished Trix cereal while reading the newspaper.

"Have a bowl for me?" Amber laughed knowing that it was a rare occasion that Riley ever shared her cereal.

Riley froze, her spoon mid way to her mouth and looked up at Amber. "No."

Amber's shoulders slumped, she didn't have time to make breakfast before her appointment. Riley continued to look at her, "Did you get done with work?"

"Yeah, we wrapped last night. I'm glad this production is over though."

"That's good, I know it was hard, considering the subject matter. Also, Amber."

Amber looked back at Riley, from looking around the kitchen to find something to eat. Riley calmly sat up straight and folded up her newspaper. Hidden behind the paper was a paper plate with a bagel covered with strawberry cream cheese waiting for Amber.

"I hate you sometimes."

Riley cracked a grin at Amber's statement. "I know. So grab your food and get in the car. Hopefully traffic won't be too awful and we'll get there on time."

Thirty minutes later, the duo made it to Dr. Leick's office and were sitting in the waiting room. Amber was getting anxious as the time drew nearer to her appointment. Riley saw Amber going into the beginning stages of a breakdown and reached over her chair's arm and took hold of Amber's hand. Amber glanced at Riley and squeezed her hand in appreciation. A few moments later, the inner door open and the tall, blonde doctor stepped into the waiting room.

"Amber Wilkinson, are you ready?" She asked quietly, sensing her patient's nervousness.

Amber looked up at Dr. Leick and nodded. She stood up and followed Dr. Leick into the room, but didn't relinquish Riley's hand. The room itself was very relaxing, it's walls were a light lavender with sparse lamps. There was a couch and a chair as the only seating with a table between the two. There was a long bookcase and where there weren't books there were various little knickknacks. A stereo system was set off in one corner, it was currently softly playing an unidentifiable music but Amber found it to be soothing. Dr. Leick took a seat at the single chair, leaving the couch to Amber and Riley.

"So, Amber. You've been coming to me for a while, but I feel like you're holding back from me." Dr. Leick noticed how Amber's grip tightened on Riley's hand and how she glanced at her before composing herself. Dr. Leick could feel the tension in the air grow thick.

"Well, Dr. Leick, I would have to start from the beginning. I was born in a small town near Katy, Texas. I was a single child, so it was just me and my mother and father. I was a normal child, had plenty of friends, Riley here being one of them. I didn't disobey my parents and I always got good grades. Yet, my father still found some sort of fault in me:

_Amber came home from school on that mid-autumn day ready to do her homework. She smiled at her mother as she made Amber her favorite snack, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with the crust cut off. She was given only half the sandwich so she didn't spoil her appetite for dinner. After she finished her snack, she took off to her upstairs room with her backpack in tow. She knew if she finished quickly with her homework that she was allowed to watch television until supper. An hour had passed with the young girl still trying to figure out her multiplication tables, when she heard a car door slam. She knew that meant only one thing: Daddy was home and he would be angry. She quickly looked around her room and didn't see anything out of place, so she moved to the bathroom and also saw nothing amiss. Going back to her room she sat down at her table and went back to work. It was the heavy steps on the stairs hinted at her father's drunken state._

_ Her heart was pounding when his steps stopped outside her closed door. She briefly wondered if it was possible for a nine year old to have a heart attack when she heard the door latch come undone. "Amber. Do you know the rules of this household?" her father asked._

_ She turned from her homework,"Yes, sir. I do."_

_ "Then why the hell was your door closed? Dammit, you stupid piece of shit." His voice raised until Amber was sure the neighbors two blocks over could hear him._

_ "I'm sorry Daddy, I didn't mean to. I was just trying to get my homework done."_

_ "Shut up!" his hand swung out and connected with her face. She fell against her desk chair, knocking her pencil and papers on to the floor. "Look at you, always making a damn mess!"_

_ Amber stayed curled up on the ground crying, knowing if she moved that her father would only take that as an opportunity to kick her in the stomach. She looked up through her tears and saw her father standing over her with his head cocked to the side as if he was realizing something._

_ "You know, Amber, you look a lot like your mother did when she was your age." He bent over and pulled her up by her arm. "She always was a hot little number."_

_ Jack Wilkinson reminisced about his childhood love while holding his daughter in front of him. In his drunken mind, the idea of taking his wife right then and there crept into his brain and settled in. His grey eyes looked down at the child in front of him and he felt himself become excited._

_ Amber could barely see her father's blurry face but could see enough to see the twisted emotions swirling in his eyes. Not for the first time she wished the bigger Riley was there to protect her. She tried to pull her arm from her father's grasp but he just held on tighter and she was sure it would leave a bruise. "Daddy?" Her voice cracked._

_ He picked her up easily and tossed her on the bed. He covered her body with his larger frame. He drug his hand slowly up her side, his thumbs catching her shirttail and uncovering her stomach as he went. Amber struggled from underneath him which only seemed to arouse him more. "Daddy, what are you doing?" She cried. _

_ "Shut up." He covered her mouth with his and continued to take off her shirt. He quickly removed it from her body and moved his hands to roam over her undeveloped chest. "Your skin is so soft. Delicate. I bet the rest feels even better." His hands roamed down to the waistband of her jeans. Amber was full out crying and struggling. _

_ "Daddy, please stop."_

_ He back handed her until she was quiet. He moved his mouth down and began to kiss her body. In his stupor, he had trouble removing Amber's belt and eventually grew tired of struggling with it and simply tore it from her body. He removed her jeans easily and began to fondle her underwear with his large hands._

_ "Daddy." Amber cried, "Please stop. I don't like this."_

_ He ignored her as he reached between them and undid his jeans._

Amber's voice croaked as tears streamed down her from her eyes. Riley had her eyes closed and her jaw was clenched. Amber had never told her this story. Riley took in a deep breath only to have it stagger out as she tried to control her anger at Jack. She dropped Amber's hand only to pull her closer to herself for support and grabbed Amber's hand with her other hand.

"Can you finish the story?" Dr. Leick asked softly, her own tears shown in the dim lighting. Amber nodded after Dr. Leick handed her some tissues.

"It's just really difficult to talk about. Sometimes I still have nightmares from it and it was 20 years ago."

_Amber started screaming at her father to get him to stop. No matter how much she struggled against him she couldn't break his grip. She could feel him between her legs._

_ "Daddy, please stop. I promise I won't tell mommy or anyone. Please!"_

_ He entered her forcefully and tore through her protective barrier immediately._

_ "DADDY! Stop! Please it hurts!"_

_ He finished with her only a few minutes later. He got up and re-did his jeans. he looked at her over his shoulder and arrogantly laughed," You were a better lay than your mother was." His grey eyes shone a cold slate. This was a man Amber could never call Daddy again. Laughing coldly, he simply turned and left without another word or glance at his daughter. She lay there sobbing and naked, hurt beyond all reason._

_ "What did I do to deserve this?" She questioned in the stillness of her room, her mind trying to wrap around the pain her body felt and the searing pain in her soul._

"I never told anyone what he did that day. Not until today." Amber brought her free hand up to cover her mouth trying to calm herself for the rest of the session.

"Where is Jack now?" Dr. Leick asked.

"Six feet under. Though in my opinion, not far enough under." Riley answered for Amber, her blue eyes aflame with anger at the long dead man. Dr. Leick shifted her gaze from Amber to her advocate, Riley, then back to Amber.

"Do you mind me asking how he died?" Dr. Leick asked timidly.

Amber glanced at Riley who had tensed. Riley met Amber's eyes before looking back at Dr. Leick. "I killed him."

The room was so silent, Amber could hear the clock ticking on the far wall. As the stereo switched songs, Dr. Leick recovered, "You killed him?"

"Not intentionally. We were all riding in the car when we were what sixteen? seventeen?-Amber was 16 and I was 17, we were on our way to the mall to meet some friends of ours after softball practice. Amber was in the passenger seat and I was in the back, with Jack driving.

_Jack hit the brakes as the light turned red. "Amber, you sure look good in that outfit."_

_ Amber crossed her legs and pulled her skirt to cover more of her legs. Riley saw the movement and realized that this man had been doing more than just abusing his daughter . Her brow furrowed in mystified horror, "Mr. Wilkinson, is there any particular reason you're talking to your __**daughter**__ like that?" She met his eyes in the rearview mirror._

_ "I don't believe that is any of your business, Ms. Mancini."_

_ "Well I don't believe I asked." She could see the vein in his forehead throbbing forcefully. "But since I'm Amber's friend that makes it my business."_

_ "Riley, don't. It's fine." Amber looked back, sending a quick glance at her red-faced father. She was torn between wanting to cry because Riley was standing up for and cower from her father. _

_ The light turned green and Jack stepped on the gas._

_ "Riley, you should listen to Amber here. She knows how to respect her elders, something your run away mother should've taught you. Too bad your father wasn't man enough to keep her." Jack glared at her through the review mirror. When they began to swerve into the other lane, Jack quickly put his focus back on the road._

_ "My run away mother is still a better parent than you are, you abusive asshole. My father has more man in his hangnails than you have had throughout your miserable life. I hate that you feel the need to drown yourself in a bottle and it makes you feel better to hurt your daughter. I'm just waiting for you to slip up and leave a mark on her so I can take that to the police and get you locked up for good." Riley reached up and grabbed the side of the driver's seat tightly._

_ "You little-" Jack turned his head back to look at Riley, " See if you ever see-" He reached back trying to detach Riley's arm._

_ There was a loud crash. They had drifted into the opposing lane of traffic and hit a dually truck on the driver's side. Jack's small '97 Mitsubishi Lancer spun back into their lane and was struck again on the left side. _

_ Shaken up, Riley put her hand to her head and came back with blood. "Amber." She drug her eyes from her bloody hands and looked to the front seat. She thought she was going to be sick, Jack, Jack was way dead. Amber, oh God Amber, her head was sagged to her chest and there was blood on the dashboard where she must have hit her head. Riley could hear sirens in the distance already, she must have been out for a while._

"But Riley, you didn't kill him. He took his eyes off the road. It was his fault."

Riley ran her hand through her hair.

"I would've suffered for 3 more years, I might not have gotten to college, Riley. I was always scared, I thought of killing myself more than once." Amber took a deep breath, "Riley, as much as I hate that the man that gave me life died, you saved my life that day by standing up for me. You don't need this guilt that you have been carrying around for the last 13 years." She squeezed Riley's hand. Amber had tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Amber, what were you feeling when you were living with your father after he…?" Dr. Leick softly questioned.

"After he raped me? It was difficult at best. I mean, what are you supposed to feel when the man who gave you life takes something like he did? I hated him, I hated him so much but I loved him. It wasn't like I could just stop loving him, though God knows I tried." Amber sat back against the cushions of the couch.

"Has that made it harder or easier for you to be open as a person? " "I was able to express it through work. I always knew what I was doing in work. You know you let the demons come out. You know, and you express yourself. That was what was great about the last project I did, there were so many ways to explore different feelings. Because you're so ashamed and to go 'why am I ashamed', you know? That's how I am, and now I'm writing about it. Oh my gosh, it is incredible. Its wild. You have no idea, no one has any idea really what it was-this world I was living in."

Dr. Leick glanced at her watch and saw that time was up. "Well, Amber, it looks like our time is up for the day. Shall we meet next week at the same time?"

"Yes, Dr. Leick. I'd like that." Amber and Riley stood up and walked for the door with Dr. Leick following.

Stopping at the door, Dr. Leick said, "See you next week, Amber."

As they left the office, Riley wrapped her arm around Amber's shoulders, "Let's go get lunch, what do you say? It's a beautiful day."

Amber looked up at her, smiled and nodded


End file.
